Cancer sucks -- August 6

"The harder you fall, the higher you bounce."

The lowest moment thus far……

I woke up with hives all over my body. From my hands to my feet. I called my doctor right away so nervous. He said that this is a possible side effect of Brentuximab. I felt better after he said it's just a side effect. Imagine having the urge to itch every ounce of your body every second. The first few days I just cried because I felt so helpless. I would just go in ice baths and cry. It still to this day is not better but my doctor gave me anxiety and sleep medication so that I am a little more calm. The doctor told to to wrap my hands after putting ointment on it. I did it…didn't work and was extremely uncomfortable but i tried. 

When I was home, I went to the ER so they could help me with what is going on and they just gave me an IV of benedryl… DID NOT HELP. waste of 4 hours. I try to ignore how miserable my body feels. Ive tried to go out but all I think about is how my body is itching and I feel weak. My hands look worse than the rest of my body. My legs, chest, arms, stomach and feet look more just like eczema. My skin looks red.....all of it....its so uncomfortable and Im hoping this medication will work because I hate feeling like this. 

When coming back to California from NY, I went to see my doctor and dermatologist  so they could take a look for it personally. They said that it was a very very bad reaction to the treatment and that they are going to have to take a biopsy of it just to make sure that everything is okay. My blood work was a normal though so that's a good sign. I had to postpone my fourth treatment due to this outbreak. They don't want the outbreak to get worse with another treatment or have something worse happen. They want to make sure all the side effects of the last treatment are gone before we start a new one. I just want to be normal again. No one understands how miserable I am in my own body right now…it sucks and I would never wish this on anybody. I have cried everyday since this has happened because I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I just want my cancer to be gone already :(. I'm not going to let this bump in the road stop me from having hope that I will be okay.

My birthday is on August  11th…..I just hope I'm feeling better by then. ..PS I got bangs.