Third Treatment -- July 16

"The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do." - Anonymous 

My twin sister is in town for a few weeks. I've taken her out and shown her a little of LA. I'm going to show her more throughout these three weeks. I have to make a list of the different places to take her. 

Last week, I woke up with literally 11 bumps on my arm. I was so scared that it was a bad reaction to the treatment. I realized once I woke up that it was because I left my window open with the lights on. It was 11 mosquito bites. 

Before my third treatment, I went out a few times with my friends. We went to Santa Monica beach and a day party. During the day party, Zimmerman was found not guilty…We had to leave early because I was literally crying in the day party. I won't get into how I feel about that situation right now because I could go on for days. Anyway, it was fun to be with my friends. They are all really busy a lot so it's nice to get us all together sometimes.

My third treatment was different than normal only because I don't have my catheter anymore. They had to poke me and I literally hate needles. Once they put my IV in, I had to keep my arm straight for literally 2 hours….You never realize how much you need both of your arms until you can't use one for a long period of time. Once they brought the Brentuximab in, it only took 30 minutes for it to be injected in my arm. After treatment, I felt so tired…..more tired than normal. My stomach also had a lot of pains as well….It lasted all night but I woke up this morning and felt just fine. 

You can only pretend to be happy for so long. Since the beginning of me finding out I had cancer, I've been smiling and trying to distract myself by going out. Every person that I've talked to that had cancer told me that at some point you will hit a very low point. After my third treatment, I'm definitely there. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to in the future. I get excited about nothing nowadays. I am trying to be happy but again, you can only pretend for so long. Every little thing irritates me and I feel like no one understands. Positivity is the only way for me to get through this and I'm trying….very hard.